Paul Doesn't Belong in a Kitchen
by pyr0technic
Summary: Exactly what the title says. When his girlfriend challenges him to cook for her and he accepts it...the crisis began. The kitchen didn't look like a kitchen after he was done with it.


Jansee: Time for a one-shot! ^-^ -audience cheers-

Paul: Since when did you have an audience?

Jansee: …SHUT UP I always have…haven't I! –cricket chirps-

Dawn: XD Hahahah~ -points and laughs-

Jansee: =_= Ugh…I hate you two. Watch me make your lives a living hell! :D

Dawn: 0.o Wait…what!

Jansee: ROLLING!

* * *

There are many things in life that should be done and shouldn't be. Common examples of things that should be done are studying hard at school, adventuring, or even finding someone to love. But that of course, only depends on who you are, and what your perspective is. Studying hard at school could result in unimaginable stress and pain, adventuring could lead to death, and finding someone to love just might break your heart, and none of it was worth it.

This was the perspective of Paul Shinji.

The shrill blare of the school bells rung at a nearby Elementary school, relieved cries of children heard that were finally free from the education being forced down into their minds. Birds from the yard scattered as chatter rose about the school, with children pouring out in laughter.

It reminded of Paul of his school days. It almost made him snort. School was nothing but a waste of time. Of course that was what he would say if someone had asked him. His true emotion was usually covered up with sarcastic thoughts and hateful opinions.

He shifted in his spot on a long ebony colored bench, crossing his arms. She shook his head, shaking the purple bangs out of his eyes. He scanned the area around him once more for the blue-headed girl, but she was nowhere to be found. He leaned back, making himself more confortable.

Something about Paul was that the sunlight made him lazy, and when he was lazy he earned more patience. He didn't like this about himself and refused to let anyone figure out, but Dawn had and always taunted him about it. After all, she was his _girlfriend_…sort of.

His mind took on a different train of thought as he finally came to the conclusion Dawn wasn't going to be here anytime soon. Either she was taking her time, or she had somehow slipped by without him noticing. He highly believed the second option, knowing he had sharp eyesight.

He stood up, slightly stretching as he began to walk his way over to Dawn's house, it being the only place she could possibly be.

He knocked on the door to her house to find Dawn's mother who welcomed him in happily.

"She's upstairs in her room," she answered with a kind smile.

Paul nodded wordlessly as he trudged up the stairs and into her room, only to find her fast asleep!

He had never been in her room before, so he stopped and looked around. Bright pink paint covered all four walls, and various paintings and sketches dotted the walls in patterns. Dawn herself was deeply snuggled inside her bed, fleecy pink blankets covering her face while different patterned pillows surrounded her.

Paul sat down in the chair next to her bed, now wondering how to wake her up. But she did look very peaceful the way she was sleeping. Her skin looked so flawless, and her silky midnight blue hair caressed her face perfectly. He didn't realize himself leaning closer to her until a door creaked open.

"_Shi—"_ he muttered as he whirled around, only to find Dawn's mother standing there, a surprised look on her face.

"I-I was just going to ask you if you could stay with Dawn for a while, I need to go somewhere…I'll be back soon, though! Of course, you don't have to if you don't want to," the aged woman asked sheepishly, nervously laughing.

"Of course," Paul said, trying to sound polite. He found out that he failed by looking at the woman's face, she looked like he had just cursed at her or something

"Thank you," she said unsurely as she left, closing the door behind her.

If anyone else was there at that moment, they would've face-palmed.

Now he was left to either wait for Dawn to wake up…or wake her up. The choice was obvious.

He suddenly smirked as he thought of a plan. Her moved closer to her ear and yelled, "DAWN!"

The shriek she made was louder than hell.

"I wasn't _that _loud," Paul countered as he flinched away from Dawn, hands on his ears. Her voice was enough to make someone go deaf…literally.

"Well you scared the hell out of me!" Dawn pouted, her heart still pounding in her chest from the incident.

Paul suddenly realized that he had literally _yelled _in the girl's ear…that isn't something you do every now and then, was it now? He felt his face burn slightly. He swore Dawn's craziness rubbed off on him sometimes. The girl clung to him far too much.

"Why are you here, anyway!" Dawn continued, sitting up in her bed as she reached for blankets which had fallen off the bed.

"Why am I here? Who was the one begging me to meet her today?" Paul fired back at her sarcastically.

"Oh…yeah…well as you can see, I'M SICK!" Dawn tried to yell, though her voice was hoarse. She coughed a bit and leaned back onto her pillow.

"You could've maybe told me that, so I could've gone home and been away from you in peace," he retorted, crossing his arms as he lean backed in his chair.

"Replace 'peace' with 'agony,'" Dawn laughed merrily, reaching for a rubber band as she tied her hair up in a ponytail.

"As if," Paul replied, although he slightly smiled. Dawn becoming his girlfriend had changed him…a lot. It was scary, actually.

"MOM!" Dawn yelled out the best as she could, her hands cupping her mouth.

"She's not here, she said she had to go somewhere," Paul told her casually, while Dawn's expression sweatdropped. Why didn't he tell her that before!

Dawn reached over from her desk and her hand brought back a small bag of cookies as she began to chomp on them.

"Is that supposed to be your lunch?" Paul asked her, almost sweatdropping.

"Erm…I'm not allowed to cook when I'm alone," Dawn mentioned sheepishly, her hand reaching for her neck.

"Figures," he commented.

"Oh, shut up! It's not like you even know _how _to cook!" Dawn argued in defense, popping another cookie piece in her mouth.

"Of course I do," he replied, even though he kind of knew he was lying.

"Do you know what a stove is, Paul?" Dawn questioned him mockingly, smirking.

"Why would you ask me that? I know what it is," Paul said, refusing himself to get caught into Dawn's game.

Dawn frowned in response, looking away as she crunched on the cookies.

"…I've seen Reggie use it once," Paul also 'thoughtfully' added.

Dawn could've done an anime fall-over right there.

"Paul, just admit it, you don't know a thing about cooking," Dawn smirked as she crossed her arms.

"I can cook anything."

"Prove it."

Paul suddenly realized that it was all a stupid, childish game…why need to take part in it? But the thing was…he couldn't resist. "Fine."

He was now in a kitchen, looking through cabinets to find something that would satisfy Dawn's hunger. He pulled out a box of long yellowish sticks, which made a rattling noise when shook. It was spaghetti.

To his advantage, the directions were on the back. "Okay, a pan…where do I get the pan!" he thought.

After about 15 minutes, he found a pan and learned how to actually use it. He had the whole packet of spaghetti and had then poured the boiling water over it, only to find out that he had reversed the steps.

Oh well. As long as Dawn didn't know…

All he knew was that he had to wait until the spaghetti had absorbed most of the water.

He checked on it two minutes later, only to find out that the spaghetti was as cold as ever and rock hard.

Frustrated, he re-read the instructions and the one word jumped out at him. _**Stove. **_

After a mental face-palm, he now had put the pan of spaghetti and water on the stove, and then turned it on. He wasn't sure how much power it needed, so he left the switch at half. The smartest decision he had made so far.

After half an hour, Paul turned off the stove and separated the water from the spaghetti. What came out was a yellowish gooey, stringy mass that resembled slime.

He looked at in question and suddenly realized that it needed spaghetti sauce. But just as he turned around to reach for the fridge, he knocked the bowl of hot pasta over, most of it landing on his foot.

**The following content had been erased due to the well-being of my dear readers' ears. Thank you. (c) CherriEclipse**

Oh well. Just because he failed in that didn't mean anything. He would simply try again. He was _Paul. _Of course he could handle something as simple as cooking, right?

45 minutes later…

This was not going well…it was terrible. He had come to the conclusion that cooking was actually kind of harder than it looked. For starters: when you cooked Pizza, you had to cook it _exactly _the time it said on the label. Second of all, you needed to skin chicken before you cooked it. Same with the fish. He had used too much water when boiling the rice, so it had ended up just like the first failed attempt at pasta.

Right now he was trying to toast bread.

Unfortunately, he was not aware that he was supposed to take the toast _out _of the toaster after it popped up.

"Is that smoke?" Dawn suddenly called out.

"_Shit,_" he thought as he reached for the plug of the toaster.

He then knocked over the rest of the wet pasta onto the toaster.

Let's just say some sparks and fizzing noises were heard.

His mind lit up as he remembered a childhood memory of baking a cake with Reggie.

Without thinking he reached for all the ingredients for cake, including the butter, sugar, eggs, flour, etc.

He hoped he wouldn't fail drastically this time, since this was the one thing he had an actual chance at.

Meanwhile, Dawn's stomach was growling heavily, she had run out of her favorite cookies. She was just about to yell out when the door opened, and suddenly she was faced with the most delicious thing imaginable.

A chocolate crème cake stood in front of her, strawberry fillings stored in the insides, and the aroma it had was sweet and made her mouth water.

"Oh my god…" Dawn breathed out as her eyes widened at the sight of the cake.

"I guess that proves it," Paul smirked victoriously as he handed her a plate and fork.

"It's amazing!"

"Now admit that I'm officially better than you in everything," he mockingly teased.

Dawn stuck her tongue out him. "Not _everything_!"

"Fine then, in cooking."

"God fine, you're better than me okay! Now let me eat in peace."

Dawn happily ate while Paul watched her. She would be happy as long as she didn't look in the kitchen.

Cake batter flecks lined the walls, cracked egg shells and their drippings were all over the countertops, soggy toast and gooey spaghetti resides on a corner of the floor. Burnt pizza reeked from a different corner. The chicken and fish were nowhere to be seen, but a funny smell said otherwise.

Paul didn't belong in a kitchen.

* * *

Jansee: XDDD Hope you enjoyed! Sorry for the lack of Ikari T_T

Paul: I'm not THAT stupid…

Dawn&Jansee: -icy stare-

Paul: I'm not!

Jansee: OKAY ANYWAY, Paul was only a little OOC in this because being with Dawn made him like that xD

Paul: Which is exactly the reason why I stay AWAY from her…

Jansee: Which is why you guys make a cute couple ^-^

Dawn: Okay I think it's time to end the story –pushes Jansee out-

Jansee: Um…okay BYE GUYS! R&R! And Dawn, stop! _ I get you want to be alone with Paul, but really?

Dawn: O_o What? –frozen-

Jansee: I SAID BYE AND R&R!

Dawn: X[ You're not getting away that easy!


End file.
